Yeah, I’m just going to share my memoir/essay about an incident that changed my life.
Trauma can change anyone’s life, eh? Especially the kind of trauma that comes from having your life threatened and your general security breached. That’s why I’d like to take you back to May 2007. Now, in Cabarete, Dominican Republic, May is the party season and seeing as there isn’t any drinking age limit in said country. I’d just gone back to my ex and my flat. We lived together if that’s what you’re wondering. But that whole saga is a longer and potentially more tragic story if written correctly. Now, let me take you back to the scene. The parties are dying down, in the distance you still hear the faint thumping of a reggaeton baseline. It’s around 2 am, so we’re trying to sleep. Or at least I am. Since, my ex, here forth named Angie, completely passed out and couldn’t be awoken with half of the London Philharmonic Orchestra.
So laying in the darkness with a faint low breathing added to the baseline, I suddenly heard the dogs begin barking. Now this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, being that they were Pomeranians, they barked. No, I don’t think you get it. Their barking could be compared to three thousand children who suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder. On to the reason why they were barking, I yelled at them and they seemed to quiet down, because who wants to invoke the wrath of a tired individual? The barks became more aggressive, I’d never heard them like this. So I decided to investigate, in my underwear. Can’t think about style when you’re trying to sleep can you? Now being a bit cautious, I locked the bedroom door behind me. But there was no use telling Angie about any of this. She was in a coma of a sleep. I walked out the door and once that happened, I’m glad my bladder was a strong one. Being greeted by a Desert Eagle .50 cal pointed at your face is enough to get anyone’s bladder to empty out. If you don’t get the gun reference, he pointed a very powerful gun at my face. Who this he was? I never knew and hopefully I never will. The intruder dragged me into the kitchen; he kept looking out the window like he was waiting for someone. After telling me that he didn’t want to kill anyone, he just wanted money. Was this meant to reassure me? I mean, the drug addict, I assume he was one. Just by the excessive itching, shaking and the pure odor of well to put it bluntly, feces. He proceeded to tell me that he wanted money. I gave him what I had in my wallet, around 400 pesos which translates, at the current rate, to 11 dollars. Not much really, but enough to get you through the week down there. He said it wasn’t enough, well; I gave him my credit card and told him my pin code. The thief did not want any part of it. Around this time, I genuinely thought I was going to die. I didn’t give him what he wanted, so he’d shoot me and then proceed into the bedroom and well, you know what he’d do if he found a female laying in bed. So I conveniently lied and said no one else was in here. What the hell right? I’d risk my life for her back then and probably still would. Now drenched in sweat from the fear of my life and still half-nude, he orders me into the spare bedroom. When a large, scary, crazed drug addict asks you to a bedroom, some images flash through your mind, now I might not have a perverted mind. But I believed at the point that I was going to be violated. Imagine that. Fear of your life and then having the fear of being violated added on top of that. So I complied, who wouldn’t when under the pressure of a contraption that can end your life instantaneously.
Once in the room, he ordered me on the bed. This is when various muscles in my lower body went “Oh no. Oh no.” He told me to keep still, which I complied like a well trained Labrador would. He then proceeded to tie my hands up, now why would he do that? I’m in my boxers, I’m tired, and I’m hardly the strongest man in the world. Not powerful enough to overpower a drug addict. He then proceeded to blindfold me. This is a scary thought, no vision and no hand movements. I cannot stress enough the fear in my mind; I had visions of blood spatters on the wall and then the visions of this man proceeding to violate Angie. Yeah, it’s not something a 17 year old should envision in his head. Not at this young age and yet, it all seemed strangely possible. If one has heard of Dexter and the blood spatter he investigates, then one knows of what kind of horrible thoughts were running through my mind. Once this intruder had finished tying me up and simply scaring me out of my wits. He gave me another jolt. He had pressed the weapon up on my temple, now to save my own dignity, I did not wet myself and I didn’t do it through out the thing. There dignity saved. Now, not only did this action give me a jolt to the bladder but remember the thoughts I so happily divulged in? Yes, those, they became stronger and more evident in my mind. Like I had no choice but to accept death. Once you have come to this stage, you do feel enlightened by fear, as much as the phrase “Life flashes by in your mind” is over used; there lies truth within it. I clearly saw things I had issues about, I saw memories I had forgotten and most of all, the most ironic thing is, seeing your life flash by gives you new found respect for life and all it’s small things.
Now, into the happenings, he’d just pressed his weapon against my temple. After which he uttered the words and I believe this is verbatim “If you move, I will kill you. I’ll kill you and no one will find you. So don’t move for the next hour.” Now, I don’t know about you, but these words still put a chill down my spine. So of course, I did as I was told. And this is when my thoughts started to wonder, would the dogs be killed? Would Angie be found? My death was the furthest thing from my mind. I’d like to tell you more, but honestly, I fainted. Possibly from a combination of fear and exhaustion but when I awoke, he was gone. If you’re wondering how I untied myself, let’s say watching MacGyver does have tremendous benefits. Still, trembling I walked back to the bedroom, finding it still locked to my amazement. I went in and told Angie the story. Who fell asleep afterwards, opting to deal with it when she woke up. I had no such option; I spent the night on the couch with a baseball bat and the dogs guarding me.
He didn’t take much, nothing of value honestly. A broken laptop and money that isn’t in circulation anymore, I mean who’d want some Francs? Granted, he took the one thing I needed at the time, security. I was living alone with someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with at the age of 17. I’ve never felt secure around Cabarete after that. But, there’s one thing I truly learned through out that time. I never let fear overcome me completely and crumble under the stress. I was calm and collected, maybe not in my mind, but rather in my physical presence. This night changed me for the better; I believe I can handle stresses now much better than I could earlier.
