You know when you think to yourself “Ah well, I better go on holiday, cheer myself up, get away from it all.”? But when you go on holiday, you’re there. So it’s shit. Can’t get away from you. It’s just you, somewhere a bit different.
Granted, it was nice to see the European places we went to (Canaries, Malaga, Corsica, Rome.) But the fact of the matter is, the one thing that drove me into a depressive enough state to actually drink and shave off my hair earlier this year was there. And for all of you who have not heard the Nemi saga, it is the one, the only, my mother. Who, after my careful consideration, was the cause of the relationship between Angie and I to fail. But good news on that front. For all you Canadian readers, I’m planning to flee. Yes. An epic journey of love lost and love regained. Right here, on your little screens. How joyful!
I mean, if I stay here in Norway. I face the inevitable thought of “Would it have worked?” and “I should’ve gone.” Add to the equation, the spawn of Satan herself, my mother. I think I have a worthy reasoning to go. I sit now, deprived of Internet. Which as you all know is my source of escapism and it has even brought from what I see, a true friend. Yes, you Luis.
I am going to go, I mean, if I cannot be around my own family, why not go to the only person I can be around for more than a week. Hell, I was around non-stop for 8 months. If it doesn’t work, well, then I tried. It’s better than not trying. We still have love for one another, and I doubt it will end as soon as I go there.
Great way to make a comeback onto the internet scene right? But it’s all true. I do not think I have cried in such great quantities ever. Not even in my younger days. I can say it for everyone to read. I am depressed, hell maybe even clinically depressed to the point that I need tablets. The fact that it ended on such terms and not even completely willfully. I will tell her the real story behind some phone calls, I will. It was not my idea, nor will it ever be my idea.
I want it written here for a moment. Angie, I love you.
There. Not stalkerish, she knows I do, I still do, I will always do. The feeling is gone, you know? That little warm feeling I used to feel. It’s been gone for a while now. And if you would allow me to steal some meaningful words from Paramore. “I’ll still say that you shine brighter than anyone”
Now looking back at what I have written, it has gone from depressive writing to a love letter, well, how about we go to some news that I find ironic.
My step-father has left my mother. Heh. For being to obtrusive and irritating. It gets better. He actually said this, “You ruined the biggest smile I’ve ever seen your son have.” We all know what smile, he speaks of. I respect him for this, he’s called me a couple of times, telling me he’ll support me in my decisions.
It kind of solidifies me decision. Even though it will clash with my Paramore concert in June. But hey, I love this woman, and I will sacrifice almost anything for her. (I felt everything was too cheesy)
I’ve written a lot haven’t I? I feel I have. So I’ll slowly end it now. Slooooooooowly. Finished.
